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Crushing over again – He sang

She tried so hard not to look into his eyes,

but she couldn’t escape his voice along the strumming of his guitar.

She tried to look busy and act as natural as possible,

but her toes sure curled inside her shoes.

She dared not look up,

for she knew he sure was staring at her.

He continued to sing and smiled at her unsuccessful attempts to act natural.

Things were starting to get serious on her side,

but he wasn’t aware of any of them.

Time was flying fast making the moment more precious.

She wanted to look at his eyes as they moved in unison with the beats,

but didn’t want to make eye contact at the same time.

He caught her stealing glances at him when he turned his head to check his fingers on the fret board, in between chords.

They both knew what they were up to,

but they loved how reality displayed their story.

No one was aware of the words they were sharing,

but new stories were being written amidst the agnostic sensation.

Bullets were being fired from both ends but there was no blood, only love.

As he reached the end she felt something.

Something she had only read or heard about, it was something strong.

He finished his song and everyone applauded.

Every pair of eyes was fixed on him but his eyes searched only for hers.

She saw that coming and managed to escape it.

She felt relief that he finished his song,

for her heartbeat finally slowed down.

As he left the room someone in the classroom blushed.

                                                                              

                                                                              ……to be continued

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THE JOURNEY I MISS THE MOST

Nearly five months have passed and now I am feeling lonely. Not because some one left me. Not because I have a lack of friends or some others things that bothers a normal teenager. It’s because something I never thought would haunt me every night, something I never thought I’d miss . It’s because I never thought  something  call school life would leave me so fast.

Yes I admit it. I really miss school right now. I never thought I would be saying this. Cause I never thought I’d be leaving my second home so early. I was never ready for it.

I am in a new college now, surrounded by new friends, new teachers, new classroom, new books. Everything seemed perfect until I woke up one day, feeling dizzy, getting ready for college and out of habit I ended up wearing my old school uniform. It’s only when I looked in the mirror that I realized what the mistake was. It wasn’t the uniform. It was me. I didn’t belong to this uniform. I belonged to my old uniform, my old school.

I didn’t go to college that day. Neither did I changed my uniform. I just sat in front of the mirror and watched myself. I saw myself in the shirt that had the old badge of the school that shaped my childhood. The little ink marks in some places and the stories behind them filled my mind with nostalgic feelings. When you start to miss something, you somehow get the power to recall every tiny details related to it. Slowly my head got filled with the memories of the amazing days that I have spent in my school. I started recalling every details of the feelings I got when I still belonged there. I didn’t wanted to get carried away so I looked into my eyes. I noticed that it had turned watery and that had provided it the spark that it had lost in the past six months. I looked further into them. Guess what I found there, memories. I found memories of me in school. Memories of me surrounded by my friends, my teachers, the same old classrooms where I belonged.

So great were those days. Everyday waking up late and finally missing the bus by a few minutes and requesting the driver to wait. And afterwards surviving the looks the teachers gave on reaching late.

How some nerd always used to remind you of the homework to be submitted that day which you never thought was ever given. And afterwards, bribing god for the absence of the teacher. And if god doesn’t listen then wondering who would be accompanying you outside the class.

How we used to laugh at the students who eagerly waited for the tiffin break to start, when ours started long before the second period.

How we used to race to the canteen to fill our empty stomach. And then escaping the eyes of our hungry friends. How we used to bunk classes and when get caught, making funny ‘on the spot’ excuses. And later, when standing outside the class, how we used to prepare excuses for our next bunk. I miss those adventurous days.

I still remember our last day in school. I didn’t feel lonely that day. Nor did I thought anything about missing school. I didn’t even realize that it was our last day. We just celebrated that day.

I can surely say that I enjoyed school life thoroughly. But I feel it was not enough. I had lot more to do, to learn, a lot more to experience. But like every good things, these ended too. And I am left with the memories and like me I guess everyone will be.

Now after six months I feel left out. I feel something missing out. And that missing piece lies within my memory. Sometimes these memories interrupt me. They make me feel like, if only once I could live them again. If only once I could sit in the same old class again. If only once I could feel carefree again. It’s only now that I realize that we only understand the true value of something when it has become a distant memory.

Now when I see kids going to school I feel left out and wonder if they’ll get the same empty feeling when they leave school. Do they wonder how life would be after school? Will they be standing at the same place, where I am right now? Will they also miss school someday? May be not. Perhaps, they are too busy submitting homework or bunking classes right now. Perhaps, they are too busy enjoying others tiffin in the second period.

4-kids-games-01
Only when the game is over we realize the warm feeling it gave us.

I now realize, I have passed these phases of life and have to move on and keep moving on till the end. And that’s what life teaches you. You cannot hold on to something, you’ll always have to move on. I know that I can never get back those days and I’ll have to live with this fact. But real happiness lies in accepting.

Now when I pass by schools and see those kids, I just smile at them, cause I know, right now they are at the most happy phase of life, school life.

 

 

 

 

 

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My old man

My grandpa was a retired army officer. Defeating his old body was his only hobby. “I don’t feel like a man if I don’t walk a mile while breathing in the fresh aroma of the cold winter morning” he used to say. Every day he used to wake up before anyone else did and sneak out silently for a walk with his friends. He never bothered to disturb anyone so he never informed anyone about his time of return.

But that day everything was different. He woke up very early and was a bit restless. He got ready and went near grandma’s bed and watched her sleep for a while. He then shook her shoulder to wake her up and said “Hey… I’m leaving”. Grandma, feeling a little drowsy, murmured in her sleep “hmm…come soon. We’ll have tea together today”. He didn’t say a word. That day he took longer than usual to get out of the house. He spent some time checking every room, checking every small thing just like people do before leaving for a long vacation.

After a few hours my grandmother opened the door as she heard abrupt knocking. She shook her head when shock engulfed her as she heard that grandpa won’t be having tea with her today. “It can’t be true. He can’t leave us like this. He promised me he would be back. He won’t lie to me.” she cried. My uncle ran to the accident site and saw a few people surrounding a truck which was lying on its side. He made his way to get a clear view and saw his faher beneath the truck, between the ground and the thing that killed him. He fell on his knees, as his legs couldn’t bear the trauma that fell upon him. He hung his head low as he never felt so helpless. The pain rolled down his cheeks as he screamed his love for his old man.

When my uncle went to visit the friend which was with grandpa during the accident, the man cried and said “It was me who should have died that day. I was on the way of the truck when the truck slipped from the road. Your father saw it and got caught in between as he pushed me away from death. I won’t be able to live with this.” My grandpa died just as a military man does- while saving others.

Few years later, my uncle took me to shopping. While returning I was on his bike and his phone was with me. Suddenly, the phone vibrated and the screen lighted the name ‘DAD’. I was surprised to see that and couldn’t figure out who this DAD was. I tapped his shoulder and told him that someone named ‘DAD’ is calling. He stopped the bike and answered the call. “Yes maa. Okay I’ll do that tomorrow. Yaa okay. Bye”. So, it was grandma then. There was a strange silence after that. After a few miles he sensed my confusion and started talking. “It was your grandma who called. Actually, it was from your grand pa’s phone. His number was saved as DAD on my phone. After your grandpa died, grandma started using his phone.” After a long pause he added “I didn’t change the name on my contact because whenever your grandma calls, the word DAD shines on the screen and for one slight moment it feels like as if he is calling. It feels like as if I will be able to hear his voice again. I would be able to tell him how much I miss him.”

I couldn’t say anything. I felt sorry for him. Suddenly my mind started recalling the scene that happened with my dad today. He promised me to buy me a leather jacket that I wanted but he couldn’t find it in the market so he bought another one which was slightly different from the one I wanted. I was disappointed and shouted at him “you never give me what I want”. Seeing me sad he promised me that he would return it and bring the one I wanted, but tomorrow, as the shop was very far and he was too tired today and asked me if I was okay with that. I didn’t answer him and left the house with my uncle. Now, after listening to my uncle I felt bad about how I treated my dad today. I promised myself that I would take the jacket he brought for me and tell him that I don’t want anything else.

When I reached home it was late and I couldn’t find dad’s bike. So I asked mom if she knew where dad went. She said “Your dad went to bring the thing you wanted”.

Crushing over again- The Present

I saw her smile again.

Her cheek bones highlighted her pink cheeks and refreshed the days we spent together.

She was only a friend and yet she was the one I imagined meeting when we grow up in my day dreams.

I keep reminding myself that everything is happening for a reason that is far greater than our dreams.

But the ‘what ifs’ in my mind always assures me that if I would have done things differently, I would have been there, holding her.

I have come too far now.

I’m in a stage where ego is the only thing left with me.

But what do I wish?

I want her back, obviously. But I regret the time I spent without her.

Those years were amazing but things would have been different if she was still within my reach.

She does something to me every time we make eye contact.

She makes me realize my true nature.

I’m so vulnerable in front of her. I stammer in front of her.

I get mesmerized by her eyes.

Her inviting smile was my worst nightmare during those years.

But I witnessed it again.

And I am that poor boy who loved to see her smile all over again where she is unaware of my presence, like it has been all those years.